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ode to that disobedient urge
buy me a vibrator that never runs out of battery &
        show me a desire that can sit   in one place
                                                      like a dog

if masturbating while looking at a cottonwood tree 
     is not sexualizing nature           then why 
am i cumming again and again       the batteries
                        losing their steam

            i made a mistake                 in opening
                            a space for desire before i found     real
space to place my desire inside of

                                                                                   and
o
            how this desire is lasting



and o        how i                  cannot be rid of it

and what a lie to say i want to be rid of it at all    
                   even if            masturbating for the third time
when i cum i say
                i’m so fucked up    / 


what’s wrong with me
                                                      but desire or pleasure
(their on-going intermingling) asks 

        again and again for me to sit           like a dog

to sit with the desire for pleasure    
to not let that voice tell me                  i’m so fucked for
         wanting         
i’m so fucked up in this fluidity



outside the cottonwood        glistens and sways in the
        afternoon sun

                                        reaching for the batteries it
occurs that the vibrator may slowly be breaking

it occurs that my desire may be more vast 
than my discipline    
              more vast than my control or my reason

       my vibrator glistening on the bedside table
i am one of those dogs     running through grass
                                 
                hair swaying in the wind

&
                           
discipline is not my name

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  • HOME
  • WINTER 2022 ISSUE
  • SUBMISSIONS
    • Submission Form
  • ABOUT
  • LITTLE BLACK BOOK
    • A NOTE FROM THE EDITORS
  • SHOP